i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
