I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
