Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
