The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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