Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
