i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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