is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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