Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
