I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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