Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
