I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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