3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
