I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
