And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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