I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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