I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
