she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
