I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
