Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
