He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
