he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
