They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize