Where did you get a picture of my penis
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
