doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize