I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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