hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
