I think my fart just growled at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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