I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
