Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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