i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
