home. puking in laundry basket.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
