that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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