What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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