like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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