when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
