i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
