It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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