Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
