Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
