I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize