You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
