By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
