Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
