the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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