My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
