He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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