Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My vagina is very pro this idea
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
