Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
