If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
