he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
