You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just blew my weed a kiss
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
