Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
