I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
