i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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