You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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