And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
