I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
