He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
