watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
