I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
