so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
