32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
