one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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