she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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