i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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