The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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