I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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