i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
