hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
