Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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