you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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