can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
