omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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