I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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