sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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